nothing personal

Sometimes, I feel being ignored, as if I’m invisible. In the past, I can’t let it go immediately because the unclarity brings me confusion. As I grow older, as I’m more established professionally and more confident in appearance, that happens to me less often and I feel less hurt by it.

However, as I become more mature psychologically and emotionally, more aware of my feelings, I realize others’ behavior is not personal. They have their own woundings and conditions, and mine was from the emotional neglect from my father early on when I was a baby, which was also not personal. My father just really wanted to have a son instead of a daughter who happened to have a stubborn personality.

This wounding was triggered slightly once more while at the Yin yoga class a few days ago. There were a total of 5 students and I was right in the middle. The instructor was facing me during the whole class but as if I was not there at all. She kept making conversations with all others but me. She didn’t even make eye contact with me. She corrected others’ poses in the mist of it, except me. We can speculate many reasons, but I knew nothing was personal. As simple as that. I felt less and less a sting to my feelings as I’m becoming more aware of the truth.


feel something, do something

I didn’t trust my feelings for a long time. As I fine-tune my relationship with my feelings, it takes me less and less time to find clarity about the correlation between my feelings and appropriate actions to take, and I’m able to make more assertive decisions in a more timely manner and on a more routine basis.

This realization unclogs my energy, makes my daily life less effortful. I enjoy my activities more. I’m less impacted by my environment and circumstances.

job as a thread of life

If I don’t have my day job as a thread of life, I would be doing yoga, reading books, write nothing particular, propagating plants, cooking random dishes, and baking sourdough bread.

If this is the case, my day would be having no beginning, no ending, and no middle. No lunch time, and no dinner time. Every day would be the same but nothing in it would never be in the same or in any particular order.

I think I would love that.